God is so good....

Okay I can't sleep and so I'm just going to write;

I have come to know a woman "M" through my current alpha small group who has a substantially tall wall of bricks for self defense built up around her heart for protection. (she looks familiar somehow) EMOTIONS ARE NOT anything she expresses in public. She "M" has remained quiet for six weeks.. saying only one thing in response to anothers question and quite frankly it was pretty insightful, and I knew she had more to contribute. Somewhat from the very beginning week during our small group time M" gave me a serious stare down that made it clear to me that she wanted to have nothing to do with being drawn into any conversation or sharing.. I respected that.

Last weeks Alpha, topic was evil, and it is a night that I share my own testimony during the big group time of Gods grace, love, forgiveness, redemption and restoration. "M" cried, and than we showed the "everything" youtube video afterwards, and "M" cried. We get into small group and at some point we had someone in the center we needed praying over as we stood around her, and "M" stayed "way" back sitting in her chair and yet during the prayer, her arm reaches in to give them a tissue.. and than "M" pulls back. Afterward as we are moving toward the doorway to leave, I kind of just ask "what held you back from the circle" and "M" just shrugged tearfully without saying anything, and I asked "do you need some one on one coffee time" and before I finished this question "M" said YES.. alright, I will call you.

A couple of days later on Saturday of last week was the start of another round of our Beth Moore study with Alpha women who we invite to come along on a journey of stepping into fellowship with Gods word. It's a DVD series on the fruit of the Spirit "LIVING BEYOND YOURSELF". And I was surprised, "M" came... being the first week in, the other leader just opens it up for introductions, tell us your name, and what brings you on a Saturday morning when you can be doing any number of things? And it's not even "M's" turn yet and she is crying... Now I am just really so glad to see this because I KNOW that God is preparing her for something big, and when it comes her turn she just mutters "my life is falling apart".... throughout the morning, she laughs, she cries, and she's unable to speak... God is so good. I gave her a long hug afterwards and told her the tears were good stuff. We set it up that Wednesday we'd get together. And she leaves still dabbing kleenex to her eyes... whew!

Last night, Wednesday we met at a quiet restuarant for dinner after work. I didn't have any kind of agenda, but had really just came into this time having prayed for the holy spirit to just lead. I had three friends who were praying during this time frame for us. And it was a good night. She really opened up, very talkatve, about her numerous relatives, the dysfunction of relationships in her lifetime, fathers hurtful words that she was stupid, not going to amount to anything, her parents divorce(s) when she was age 4, living with her mom after divorce, siblings, step siblings, her 6 kids, death of an infant child, her marriage breaking up, her beloved mothers death recently and her mother being the only one she felt close to. It all just unfolded, with some laughter, some quiet, more tears, some laughter and I told her that her smile was beautiful, "M" hasn't heard that very much in her life... so I basically listened, I asked a few questions, I shared a little of what I thought was going on for her, she shared that she was tired of trying to hold it all together for everyone. I said I understood that... and it was perhaps time that she just stop.. that it was time for the brick masonry she had built around her heart to be dismantled. And I encouraged her to keep coming on Saturday's to the study, hear what was in Gods word that he wrote to her. And maybe just a brick at a time, but hopefully soon we'll be taking a sledge hammer to tear down all of the wall. She smiled. Although the uncomfortable emotions/tears that has been invading her daily life for a week, "M" didn't know where it was coming from, but it is just everyday, might be a lifetime of volcanic eruption that needs to happen to empty out some despair... ahhhh God is so good.

Tonight Thursday, "M" comes to alpha, smiling, and it is healing night for a topic. In small group there were only three women present, and I think it was the perfect three from our group. First "I" is prayed over for what she is in need of, and then "A" is prayed over, and all the while, "M" is right there participating by just being there. And than it's "M's " turn, although she doesn't know what exactly she needs, maybe not physical healing, but could be emotional, although I suspected it's the spiritual healing.. and "M" just expresses that she is so tired of fighting on her own, so I ask if she is ready to lay down the fight and let Jesus come in and take over the battle for her.. to be the only God. and at first "M" isn't sure how to do it, and so I just pulled my chair in close to her and said "you repeat after me"... and dang.. I'm not to good at that part of sealing the deal, but we got it done and she asked Jesus to come into her heart, be in control, forgive her sins and be her father... and guess what... "M" cried, but now it was tears of joy and in hope for freedom in Christ. ahhh God is good..

And this tight group of women, we rejoiced, and we hugged, and we bless each other because God has healed us all in mighty ways.