Well, it's happened enough times that if I would just realize that whenever I'd rather be selfish and NOT attend something I've committed to for the Alpha ministry, that I am in for a great blessing and make sure I'm there... I have been a small group leader for over the past 5 years and there occasionally comes a Thursday night (or two) or a Saturdays all day Alpha retreat where where I'd prefer to curl up on my couch in my pj's or spend a day relaxing or doing something with Greg instead..
This past Saturday was one of those all day Alpha retreats. Leading up to it the last couple of months has been constant activity, lots of heavy yard work, gardening, early mornings for work, late nights not adjusting my bedtime to well for those early mornings which had me rather worn out and not so excited about attending.. I had only one person from my group who said they were coming. I'll call her "R" and had spoken to her at Thursday nights Alpha and on the phone with some subtle hints that I'd totally understand if something came up, plenty of chances to let me know she was going to back out. But no, she was coming, even called me that morning as I stepped out of the shower (running kind of late) asking if I could pick her up to get there on time.. oops, sorry... I was committed, she was on her way (walking, short distance of a long block from her place to the church) while I quickly finished getting ready.. When I arrived at the church not only was she there from my group, but also a young woman I will refer to as "S", who had said on Thursday there wasn't any way she could make it because of her 6 yr old daughters swim meet, but she felt she needed to be here... (at this point I'm swallowing hard, guilt creeping into my throat that I had wanted to back out).
I drove a carpool group together to the location, a beautiful home in the Fullerton hills owned by a couple from our church whom hospitality is their gift. Now let me give you a little background on these two beautiful women from my group.. They have had some rough bumps in their life that are way above average, and some of it isn't very easy for many to hear and than know how to react in a way that isn't one of astonished surprise with stumbling words in response. "R" being abandoned young often by her parents, raised mostly by a strict grandmother who loved her well. "R" is the mom of 4 kids w/ 3 dads ages 24, 10, 7, 2, did 16 mo in prison for possession w/ intent to sell of narcotics after her third child, shoplifting charges in her youth, past addictions. "S" was a straight laced young girl through her teens, out of shear respect for her moms hard work to support them. She watched her single mom with severe arthritis who was left by a man because he felt she wasn't able to be a "wife" anymore and he needed a woman.. "S" loves her mom who worked extremely hard, long hours to provide minimally the basics of very little to eat, little for clothes and they lived in rough places. The bitterness continues toward her estranged dad carried into every part of her life, I think this was news to her that it was still wreaking havoc.. "S" had a child at 19 to raise on her own with only her moms help, "S" had two abortions after this and has such remorse for this.. "S" had attended week 1 of Alpha and than hadn't returned until Week 5, which is the theme night of evil... I speak on this night, and following the large group session she was pretty tearful, I saw her go into the bathroom as we went for dessert before going into our small groups, but then she had left without a word.. So this had me really surprised that she showed up for the Saturday retreat. But they are at Alpha because they know they can no longer figure out life on their own and it's there journey..
Alpha does alot around food, and so that's how we start the morning with a table buffet of a breakfast spread as we sit and mingle around the beautifully large backyard of swimming pool, numerous seating areas all around the deck, fire pit, grassy shade area overlooking the golf course down the hill or in the house with the open wall of windows between the indoors and the great outdoors.. and the conversations between the large group that has come together to share a day, some laughs, etc.. good time..
The Alpha retreat days theme is learning about the Holy Spirit. In the morning Bill White teaches on "who the Holy is" and in the afternoon he teaches a session on "what the Holy Spirit does".. and we have some small group time following each of these. Lunch comes in the middle of the time here and it's a great spread of variety and good food, and than the table is transformed into a snack haven for munching.... This day is really where the rubber meets the road in my opinion because, well, it really comes down to deciding one way or the other if your not sure whether God is real or relevant as to if you believe or are just somewhat amused with the information. Bill hit a homerun this day as he usually does, but he changed up a couple of things, threw in a scripture verse that he hadn't used before. That afternoon session touched me in a fresh way maybe more so than others. Well, it was touching my two ladies also.. God is so good.
After the morning session in our small group... I probed "S" on some stuff she was telling us about her life, asked her what was the obstacle in her understanding about God and Jesus, what had she heard in the morning session that she wanted to talk about......... her answers were very honest and than one question, then the tears just began to flow as she let out some anger, frustration etc, which surprised her... whew, that can feel so good. I didn't know what to say to make it better, you can't... but I was just glad she expressed it and allowed herself the freedom to have the ability to be honest, no more covering it up as if she'd be just okay with it stuffed down deep.. My encouragement for her was that our Heavenly Fathers desire for each of us no matter what kind of earthly father we have had or didn't have, is that HE alone is enough for us and that he be enough for us.
"R" has attended all of the Thursday night Alpha sessions and she was basically admitting that she was standing right at the edge of accepting Christ, but wasn't sure what was her obstacle..my instinct was that it would require a HUGE change in her lifestyle she wasn't comfortable knowing it could happen..
This was the key verse that I heard today, first time ever and it.... just made such sense to me as WHY our sinful nature can and does return.. evil is powerful
Matthew12: 43-45,
43 When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 then it says, "I will return to the house I left." When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.
What does this mean: When we chase out the evil but don't fill our entire lives up with the Holy Spirit who guides us in Christ, we leave the door wide open for the evil spirits to return and to be worse than it was before. And this is absolutely true, we want the initial change and do all we can to keep it going, until we become complacent with the nurturing our spirituality and sins temptations become stronger, alluring. This is a very compelling verse for us to be highly motivated to fight the daily lure of sin and the damage that can be done
As the afternoon session ended and the day was winding down, there was a time given for each to just reflect on what had been heard on this day, and than to have prayer over them by their leader.. after a short amount of time, my ladies came out and over to the fire pit where we had been meeting. "R" & "S" sit down and "R" just starts to say that she is ready to give her life over to Christ that she can no longer go on with her life as she has and wants to tell her kids about Jesus... God is good.. so I tell her that I am going to pray with her and will give her a few sentences of some kind and ask her to just repeat them after me. (I know it's not a contract, so I'll be winging the sorry, thank you, please prayer). "S" is sitting there just holding hands with us and we all hug afterwards.. And than "S" tells us that she is too ready to accept that Jesus is what she needs in her life, to teach her daughter of him.. So I do a similar prayer with "S" and just sit there taking it all in.. I introduce my new sisters in Christ as we leave that day and they receive hugs and encouragement.. All glory to God our father..
I am so blessed that God allows me to be a part of this...
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