Tuesday doldrums

dol⋅drums 
–noun (used with a plural verb)

3. a dull, listless, depressed mood; low spirits.

It's been 16 days since surgery and while I had all the facts prior of what's going to be done to you, placed inside of me, you have NO IDEA what to expect afterwards in recovery, you're on a daily learning curve of whatever appears you have to deal with it. Besides the ache in the lower back where the "new hardware" was attached to the spinal column, I have been experiencing most annoying PAIN in the left leg around the knee and the calf area when standing up for much time. Assuming it might be nerve trauma postop... My being independent makes the current state of ever so dependent on Greg and the kids for some simple basic tasks and unable to care for myself ~ difficult and frustrating. Oh I'm appreciative of all that they are willing to do for me, and I know Greg loves me and is exhausted in keeping up... Thankfully I don't feel I ask for much beyond basic water,soda's and when they eat I eat....

And so I'm writing this a little while after having moved to a new location midday to the downstairs den. From the time I woke up this morning, I've been weepy on some thoughts going through my head, that "instant ache" that I wake up with, waiting for the pain meds to kick in about 20 minutes before getting up out of bed for a first trip to the bathroom... and wondering what I will be able to accomplish today once I'm up. I hadn't had pain meds during the night and so not wise to get up without them in the system.

Greg came home for lunch after a work mtg in office and he helped me downstairs within ten minutes of dressing and listing what I'd like him to bring down with him. Greg had to leave early this morning and so I had slept very late and than struggled to just do some time in the bathroom for simple cleaning up, wet/dry hair before Greg came home. I dropped a spray bottle of conditioner after I pulled the plastic top off of it, and I was unable to retrieve it from below my chair even though I could stand it up between my feet, couldn't reach down far enough to reach it for a good grip. I came close but couldn't quite grasp it.. frustrated I just blew the hair dry as much as I could and than the burn in lower leg and lower back makes it hard to sit on my tall chair quickly took over and I had to retreat to the bed and lay flat out and let it calm down... oh and cry a little...